Journal Entry # 1: A Little of Negativity but More of Positivity

Posted on September 8, 2011

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A couple of minutes ago what I was writing emanates deep sadness. I’ve been so down for days and I even think it’s slowly turning into depression. I don’t have the strength to do anything and I just want to lay in my bed the whole day. I keep on craving for different kinds of food which usually happens when I’m stressed out. I want to cry because I feel so useless.

I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, why I’m doing what I’m doing and why I’m feeling this way. My emotions are overpowering my reasoning and as far as I know I’m not that kind of person. I can always work with grace under pressure.

I feel guilty that I am feeling this way because I know there are more people who are more miserable that I am but I just can’t help it. I feel guilty because there are a lot of people who believes in me.

What’s happening to me? What’s wrong with me? Am I still not done and over with quarter life crisis?

I then decided, I should not sleep unless I finish doing something worthwhile. I’ve always done it before when I was still studying Nursing. I don’t sleep until I finish what I have to do. I remembered a video I watched from TED. The talk was by Matt Cutts, an Engineer from Google. I searched for it and watched it again.

I felt a little better afterwards and decided that I should do it. Do something for 30 days. Like he said 30 days, whether we like it or not will pass and it’s enough time to add or subtract a habit. Since I can vent out by writing, then my 30 day challenge to myself would be to make a journal entry each day for 30 days. It’s better than doing nothing the whole day aside from eating.

A blog in its simplest meaning is an online journal. I thought that I should write down all that I feel these past few days. However, when I reread it, I realized that it conveyed nothing but complete sadness, negativity. I don’t want anyone who reads my journal to feel as sad as I am. It’s enough for me that they would have an idea on what I feel not necessarily to be in the same ordeal as I am. I want them to know how I feel yet pick something from it, be inspired by it. I hope I can be successful on this. Now, marks the start of the challenge and I’d like to share this video of Matt Cutts’ 3 minute talk:

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